Errata is a web journal written by Robert Davis who has neither spent a night in a ghost town nor pulled a turnip from the earth. He doesn't even know if turnips grow in the ground. Perhaps on trees, like candy corn. Therefore, Errata is a non-commercial project.

Observation #1: It may be appropriate, when leaving a movie theater, to say "mysterious."

Observation #2: It may be appropriate, when leaving a movie theater, to say "mysterious" at the top of your lungs. Bring your eyebrows together before you say it. Effective!

Observation #3: Same for books. Even at libraries.

There is a prize for people who correctly guess the thing about Metropolis, Nevada.

Except where the text specifically states otherwise, Errata's vagaries are indicated vaguely and its authors are indistinct in the traditional way of the Internet, except where the authors lay claim to their work. In some cases Robert Davis lays claim to work that is not his own but has been abandoned like so many ghost towns. Except where held presently, fistfuls of dirt are suspended via dispersal, or dispersed via suspension (in the air), and thus their dissolution is their transcendence, or their transcendence is their dissolution. And yet our eyes tear, and our vision is impaired, demonstrating for the umpteenth time that one entity's gain is another's fit of sneezes. Except where indicated, storms shall outlive the clay upon which they rain, unless storms are improperly delimited by their clouds, which dissolve, rather than by their inevitable return. Thus the clay loses, unless the clay is said to own the storm, to use it to make itself heavy, to make itself cling to white garments, refuse dispersal, cake upon the facades of abandoned buildings, and sit like Man [sic] upon the earth where it is pelted by a storm that it owns. In which case the clay still loses, if you ask us.

Some of the above is legally binding and should be considered a mental contract between Errata and those upon whom it acts. The bit about the prize should be considered an overstatement insofar as prizes differ from dirt and prize dispersal differs from dirt dispersal. Please recall that ownership is a weight and, therefore, hope that you do not win the prize.

One day Errata or its representatives will call upon you for a favor. It is expected that you will hop-to without delay.

You may contact Robert Davis by email unless it's about the rock that was thrown in anger. The rock is more properly called a clod. Why do you continue to raise the topic?

31 July 2003

We Love This Place

I think I finally figured out why bands say things like, "This is the most fun we've had on the whole tour." The Fountains of Wayne said this in San Francisco last week, and the audience roared. Sometimes bands mean it, I'm sure, and sometimes I think I can tell when they do, but when they get such positive feedback from their audience for saying, "We love this place," they might bend the truth a little.

I remember reading an insightful interview with Garrison Keillor a long time ago in which he said that what audiences want from a live show is the appearance of spontaneity. He should know a thing or two about this, as someone who writes and performs a weekly half-hour monologue in front of an audience without the use of notes. He moves the podium aside or paces the entire length of the stage to remove any doubt that he has a cheat sheet.

Audiences want spontaneity because it proves that they're seeing something unique, and skilled performers, from the Fountains of Wayne to David Letterman, understand this. Your team of writers can write a hundred "ad-libs" for you as long as you're good enough at delivering them with apparent conviction, as long as you give the impression that your every fleeting thought is a pearl.

(Although it looks like I spontaneously came up with the turn of phrase at the end of that sentence, I actually stole it from Elvis Costello.)

Now you?ve got yourself a brand new occupation
Every fleeting thought is a pearl
And beautiful people stampede to the doorway
Of the funniest fucker in the world

They?re here to help you
Satisfy your desire
There?s a bright future for all you professional liars

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